It's everywhere

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Today the energy in my life was love -- I woke up with a smile in my heart and a spring in my feet. I carried it all day... Now my heart is tired. Its wants to cry. And it still is about love.
I met a friend from college after many many years today. A month back I looked him up to thank him. He was the first man who actually understood who I truly was. He told me about it back then and I vehemently refused to accept it. In college it was not the kind of person I wanted to be. I wanted to be cool and "IN" {what ever that meant}. Being content and satisfied with the smallest of things was not acceptable. But I was that.... I STILL AM! I see this for a while now... he saw it then. When I look back, he celebrated it. He knew a simple rose or a smile made my heart sing. He created simple opportunities for it to happen as often as he could. But I was trying to be what was expected of me... all caught up with the times and totally killed by peer pressure. I missed it. Today I am more of that, in fact I am totally that and now use that understanding of me to help me choose the people who are a part of my life. He did not really find it important for me to have expressed my gratitude to him. But it was important for me. He has changed. He has grown into a different person who may just miss that very simplicity in another. But he is still as beautiful inside and under all that pretense covering of change. I saw moments where he peeked out. It made me so much more alive. I felt all the love in me that I possibly did not back then. My heart was sooooooooooo full by the end. Saying Thank You was like accepting all the love that was hanging in the space between us just waiting to wrap itself around me... if only I opened my heart to it. It is amazing how patiently it waited for the past 17 years. 

On my way back from the cafe I bumped into another friend. I have known him since 2005. We have been through so much together. His demeanor is possibly quiet the opposite as compared to the friend earlier. This one and me had a crazy love affair that never really ends. No matter how much time has passed or where all we have traveled... we can come back to each other with as much feeling. Its always been so intense. Our stories are strange and passionate, together and apart, earthy and surreal all in one. Today when I saw him I automatically teared up. Then I felt a feeling I did not recognize. I wanted to hold back my tears and push him away. I did. I pushed him away and almost ran home. Weird... I am soo not like that. Its just not me. But it happened and I let it. 

Back home and suddenly the tears found a way out. But they were way more then I would have expected. As always my eyes closed and I went within to understand this. Slowly it all rolled into my consciousness. Everyone that has ever loved me or I have ever loved, is a very strong part of my life. I may not have them in my consciousness all the time, but they are there. We may not interact for the longest time and yet when we are back, we are right where we started. All the love is always going to be there in various corners of my heart. I may think a person is in the past, but every time I come face to face with them... Its a different story. I do believe I can never really put love in the past... ITS ALWAYS PRESENT!
Jai Ma Kali ~*~ Jai Ma Guru ~*~ 
Pushtiie Shiv Shakti ~*~


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2 comments:

  1. SHRUTHI K MOHANJune 17, 2015 at 6:20 PM

    :) refreshing one :)

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  2. UnknownOctober 25, 2015 at 11:28 PM

    Hey Pushtiie! :D
    I'm glad you're back to blogging.
    This was one post I could totally relate to. You've expressed all the emotions so beautifully :)

    ReplyDelete