~ Pushtiie S ~

When, for the 1st time, I was asked to do a serial after 5 years, I had refused. I was not going back to “ACTING” for a serial. At that time I had no idea that it would be any different then the run of the mill characters, for me, personally. I thought it would be one more sweet hungry girl and there would be no more to it. As chance had it, I was called back to Bombay by two patients. Mum sent me to audition, I went! The first time I was not told much. But something felt nice. The 2nd audition, I knew I had it.

But I constantly kept asking the universe just for 1 thing, that if I was to do something, let it be a form of mass healing. Let it reach out to sooooooooooooooooooooo many people that it changes something within them. I insisted on a sign for it, without which I had decided that I will not sign it. The sign came and I signed it. When it had begun to air, I realized that the Universe had granted me what I had asked for. Today I want to share with you the most recent love that has been showered on me.

This mail was sent to me by Richa on Facebook. With her permission I am putting it up here. This is the mail word for word.

Remember I told u that i wanted to share something wid u ... u will find it bherry bherry Filmy , my love story :) but u know what u have such a role to play in that :)

Character details :
HEROINE- me, Richa Kumar, a "pleasantly plump " female (that's what my hubby thinks while i think i m OBese") was working in Hyd in 2008.

Amit, my hubby was in Dallas ...Thin lanky dude :) (HERO of our film)

We were introduced by a common friend..she has this adrenalin rush in playing cupid/match maker... I was a typical case of "love n lost" and didn't want to get married to just any Tom, Dick or Hariya :).. always wanted to marry someone i like.. So the idea of loving a guy in Dallas when i m in Hyd, dint appeal me much . i was ok being friends though

On the other hand Amit in Dallas was looking for a ideal match... he was clear that at this age he doesn't want just another friend in his life :) lol

We started talking in Nov 2008 :) first i found him very "pakau" and started avoiding him ... but then by January 2009 i started missing him and cupid struck :) .. from now n then , we started talking for 5-6 hours a day :)

Till feb 2009, haven't seen him nor did he see me.. We shared our FB profile then , for the first time :)
Andar Andar meri tou fatt rahi thi "what will he think about me? one moti bhains i m ..." but he said i m pleasantly plump :)

Uske baad in March end he came to hyd to meet me .. first time wehn i saw him , full butterflies in stomach...jaise ki poora hanging garden in my stomach only :P ....n then he came n hugged..
but "shaana" he was :P dint tell me clearly that if he loved me too.. Kept hinting but then wouldnt put in words..I would think why will a person like him marry a fatso like me .. he would get such pretty pretty girls. Though he would say that all thes things dont matter to him ...but then cos of all the things society make u concious of ur weight, u tend to think negatively... But i was such a idiot that i would just be on cloud 9 thinking of him .. Later i was dumbstruck when i saw a similar story line written for u in Mahi way :)

Finally at the airport he said yes.. and our family met and we got married in Sep 28th, 2009

Then while we were in Goa for Honeymoon , Amit was surfing TV and happened to see Mahi Way.. and he completely adored u .. He was like i saw someone just liKe you on TV ... and i was wondering who who who? must have seen some vamp on some saas bahu serial :)

but it was u .. he liked the character "mahi" and all the lines that u wud say to urslef. watched the whole season.. Like the episode when u get drunk and say thinks to Shiv in Roshni's engagement, he was like really do think like this about u too..Honeslty YES I DID but dint tell him :).. and then there was another one when ur friends bet u to jump in the pool and Amit would ask me "are u pool shy" ... I felt so nice when Amit would try to comfort me n accept myself .. my respect for him and his values deepened :)

How i felt like telling him that in India i can hardly find dresses of my size..Like he would ask me , where does "Mahi " get her clothes and i would be like "duh!!! she gets it designed" ... and how much i would love to wear or know where u get clothes for my size :) Honestly we loved everything u wore,from ur pajamas, to tunics to sarees...

Idea behind telling u all this is that ur smile and the way u carried ur Saree/western wear , and all the appreciation that Amit has for you has actually made me confident and proud that Amit actually likes me the way i m and made me come out of the shell that "fat gurls are very much acceptable as girl friends "

Also the doubts raised by you during the show, has helped him understand me better.. he has helped me so much to come out of my insecurities and inferiority complex..

i mean i have always been my friends choice to have fun , to booze to party , when they needed .Jolly Girl , fun to be with. but thats where it ended.. love is a diff ball game and i dint think that i was fit/sexy/in demand enuf for it... but now i m :)

This Sep 28th we complete a year.. and madly in love with each other.. Amit has been world's bestest life partner.. Thank Sai Papa So much for this gift.. And now i m so sure that when he says that he likes me the way i m , he actually means it..

love u Pushtie, indirectly u have helped us so much in understanding each other ...

Love n hugs ... God bless you.. Muuuuuuuah !!!
Richa



I had tears in my eyes and goose bumps when I read this. And till this moment I cannot help but keep thanking the Universe for the assurance that I am on the right track. Thank You Richa… you have no idea what a big effect you tell me this has had on me. Its moments like this that make my work a little more worth it :)
Thank you :)

Lots of love….
Blessed be

As we made our way to the galleria, there was a silence that filled the space between us and yet, we were communicating… way a lot. We crossed the gate and the road and then the other gate and go into Meera. The area where the pyramid meditation hall was. It is called the Buddha Hall. It also housed the Galleria and one of the eating spaces. What Suryam told me was that it also now housed the office of the Security in-charge of the entire place. His name is Dhyanesh Bharti and I call him Daddy with love :) He is the man that had made my stay possible, more then comfortable, when I actually was living there. I peeped into the office but he was not there. “Baad mey milliyo… Breakfast kerney gaye hongey.”

He lead the way into the store and I asked for the badge. It was the last one for the moment… and it was there, just for me. :) “Tarey bade naseeb hotey hain.” I looked at him with a completely girly smile on the face and a twinkle in my eyes…! “Haay Janeman… is liye to Baba and mai… dono tujsey itna pyaar kartein hain.” With that he hugged me and we were giggling again. I put on the badge and we walked into the main area. We crossed both the gates and the road again and it was amazing how beautifully people respected the badge. I saw a few people who I knew and would have definitely talked to, but when they saw it… they simply smiled and lowered their eyes. :)



I love the feeling that someone can actually respect another’s wishes and honor them. I wish it was like that in the outside world!! But alas..!

On reaching the other side, he said his good bye and told me that he will be back in the evening. “Tu aapna silence karlio… phir shaam ko baith key batyeingey. Milta hu…! Khush Raiho.” With that he left and I went into the book shop again. I looked around and my attention was totally captured by the various books on Sufism. It felt good to be in that moment since somewhere I believe that I am a Sufi. There is a certain kind of oneness in the thought. I was looking at them and something told me that I should get the books. All of them…! I picked them out and began to go thru the backs, reading what they were talking about. Each one of them was talking to me… about just what I needed to know. So much grace was flowing into my life at that moment… I was in tears! But they were tears of happiness. A joy that humbled my life and made it worth living… one more time.



I put my hand on the badge and told the Ma at the desk to keep the books aside and that I will get them when I am back in a bit. I walked out and saw Sam by the pool…! I was so excited…! He is the one person who I will always always love. {talking about him will be another post all together. :P} All I want to mention is the fact that he is a Sufi. I ran up to him, turning my badge around on the way, and gave him an all mighty hug. :) “Awww… Sufi girl, You’r back!! I have missed you.” Yes! That is what Sam calls me “Sufi Girl”!!! he has been saying that to me since the day he set eyes on me. Like he could see what I was made of and wanted me to know that he saw it. We talked for a bit and I told him that it was my birthday and he told me… “Get yourself the Sufi series girl… its time.” WOW… that was a mad conformation I got. Frankly I was now feeling alright, thinking that I was on the right track in my mind and heart. It felt wonderful. Just then the alarm for lunch went off and I started towards Meera.

I turned my badge again. I got some light food, a kiwi and some boiled veges. I wanted to go into the Samadhi in 45 minutes, so I decided to keep it light. Its always better to meditate when you have an empty stomach or a very light and natural meal. It did not take long. I was done in ample time and I went off to the other side to go into the Samadhi. Just entering the zone is so peaceful. I noticed how beautifully my gait had changed. Suddenly, I was not walking. I was gliding. I went into the glass doors and the energy hit me even stronger. I could not help but smile my blissed out smile. I hung up my sling and took my pair of white socks. As I sat there wearing them, the Ma in charge there gestured not to wear those, instead take the pair she was giving me. I then realized that mine had red strawberries on it and that was not ok. It was like a message to leave back the child and move into a grown up phase. It never denied the child, but it had to be tucked warmly away at times. I understood. When I was ready I began my walk in. The initial corridor is full of the books OSHO read.

As I walked in I looked at the various books, remembering the ones that has always caught my attention. The Babyloyan Civizilation, The Chakras and mostly such books. But this time, it was different. The only books that caught my eye were those of LOVE…! It was a little weird… unnerving in a way! I cannot explain why. I tried to look for the books I always noticed, but I just could not find them. It was like someone had changed the arrangement. I doubt that even happens, ever! But I still could only meet with this new group of books. They seemed very excited to have caught my attention. But something made me nervous. I quickened my pace and made my left turn into the next space. It is a place with mirrors and Osho’s personal chair. I could not hide. I kept seeing this inexplicable nervousness and fear in my self.

I ran faster. Another turn right and I was almost there. I slowed down there and picked up a cushion to be able to rest my feet on. Finally I stepped into the meditation chamber.



It is so silent at every moment that you can hear yourself THINK. I bowed down at the marble Samadhi and found myself a space to sit. With an erect spine, I closed my eyes. I was on my way. In my state I just asked OSHO to guide me into the next phase of my life. I told him I thought that there was something that I needed to pay attention to and much I needed to change. There was to be more to my life now, more then I had expected.

In a few moments I was in a very different state of conscious. He answers started coming. “START PAYING ATTENTION TO EVERY BOOK THAT CAUGHT YOUR EYE WHEN YOU WALKED IN. THERE WAS A COMMON THEME TO THEM. YOU HAVE BEEN RUNNING FROM THIS PART OF YOUR LIFE FOR A LONG LONG TIME AND YOU KNOW IT. NOW IS THE TIME TO FACE IT. GROW UP, BELOVED. IF YOU KEEP IGNORING IT YOU SHALL BE STUCK IN YOUR SPIRITUAL PATH. LET IT MOVE FORWARD.” I understood what was being told, but I still was not willing to accept it. I asked a silly question, “Can there be no other way out?” And I promptly had an answer. I FELL ASLEEP…. for about 5 minutes. Hahahaahahah!!!! There was no communication just pure silence. Was almost like I was told, “If you ask me silly questions, I will give you silly answers.”

How true! We know everything we need to do, most of the time. Our being will keep telling us about it. But it is our mind that creates the limitation. So many things are waiting to manifest thru us and we don’t allow them, we block them. And all it really needs is a thought as silly as, “I don’t think I can do it.” Then you cant. We give ourselves so many reasons: Society, Morals, Time, Goals, or then “JUST”. That is what I was doing. Giving myself ample reasons to avoid this and yet… it was a very simple thing. Ok I was afraid and did not really understand it, but at least I could have tried! I was being reminded of it so many times and I choose to ignore it each time. But now… it was not possible.

I was shown ways and means of how I could deal with it and all the beauty of when it actually happened. I was even assured that it was in my birth chart. Hahahahah. I was in such a beautiful space that I did not want to come back even when the bell chimed. But I had to. Slowly I opened my eyes and moved my body. I was, of course, smiling. I got up, thanked OSHO and walked out. On passing the mirrors again, I saw a different me. I was relaxed and more grounded. I liked me better like this. In the corridor with the books, I still shyed away. “THERE’S ALWAYS THE NEXT HOUR.”, I heard him say. I smiled and went past.

It was too much for me to handle. I was learning so much on this Blessed day that I could now not but think I needed to make notes. But I did not, not until now. so here goes, another round of what I gathered:
1: What is meant to be yours, WILL BE, no matter what.
2: You’r constantly talking to yourself… if only you listen.
3: Many notice you… but only some SEE you, including yourself.

The 2nd trip to the Samadhi was as interesting :)

In much love and all light…
Blessed be :)